


I Didn't Really Want To Be a Supervillain

by Athenaness21 (orphan_account)



Series: The (mis)Adventures of The Hurricane [1]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: John as a superhero?, Laf has a coffee shop, Multi, SUPERPOWERED TURTLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, Thomas gets paper cuts, alex needs a new computer, but im not getting one, idk - Freeform, if that's what you want find another fic, like me, sorry - Freeform, superhero au, there will not be many fights in here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-27
Updated: 2017-01-06
Packaged: 2018-09-02 11:33:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 7,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8665993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Athenaness21
Summary: Alex didn't want to be a supervillain. But hey, he needed the cash.And damn, that hero is adorable.





	1. Phone Tree

**Author's Note:**

  * For [trash_of_many_fandoms](https://archiveofourown.org/users/trash_of_many_fandoms/gifts).



“Hello! If you would like to leave a message for the administrator, please press ‘one’. If you would like to issue a complaint, please press ‘two’. If you need extra cash, please press ‘thre-”

Beep

“We at the ‘Community Hero’s Association’ offer many opportunities for extra cash. If you would like to hear a list of open positions, press ‘one’

Beep

“Today, your opportunities are: Super Villain.”

“That’s it?” Alex shook his head. “This was a stupid idea.”

“This will take care of all the money you need for the year.”

Alex stared at the phone. He shook his head. “Still…”

“You will be able to afford that laptop you wanted.”

“Shit.”

“Press ‘one’ to schedule an appointment to solidify the deal.”

Beep.


	2. Coffee Shop

Alex scheduled his interview for the next day, and walked down to a coffee shop near his house, carrying his laptop in an old leather messenger bag. He whistled as he walked, watching a group of kids running around.

The coffee shop he was walking to was small and locally owned, and he knew the owners well. Their names were Hercules and Lafayette. Lafayette had moved from France recently, but Hercules had lived in this area of New York for his entire life. Alex wasn't sure when they met, but he couldn't remember a time when Hercules hadn't talked about his 'boyfriend in France'. The had had a long distance relationship for quite a few years until Lafayette moved to America, and they opened a cafe.  They would give Alex free coffees.

Alex opened the door. "Hi." He said, smiling at Lafayette. 

"Hello, Alex"  **(A\N I'm sorry, I don't know how to write a french accent.)** He said. "Herc is upstairs. He's sick, I think, so I've confined him to our room. What are you writing today?"

"An essay about discrimination." 

"That'll be a long article."

"Tell me about it."

"Herc invented some kind of chocolate smoothie if you want to try it." Lafayette took at coffee cup off a stack he had on the counter.

"Is it caffeinated?"

"I can make it so."

"I'd love it."

Alex sat down at 'his' table. He placed his laptop on the table and opened it. He turned on the laptop and looked around the cafe. He laptop usually took at least five minutes to start up- one of the reasons he wanted a new one. The other reason was the fact that he was running out of storage space on his computer.

The coffee shop was silent, other than the humming of Alex's computer, Lafayette making coffee, and faint strains of music coming from an old pair of speakers in the back of the room. There was only one other customer, a boy sitting in the back, drawing. He was wearing huge headphones and had a nice,  _new_ tablet and a drawing stylus in front of him. He also had a turtle. At least, Alex thought it was a turtle. It looked like one, but you rarely see turtles around.

Lafayette saw him staring. "He was here yesterday, too." He said. "Cute, isn't he?"

"Shush!"

Laf laughed. "He can't hear anything through those headphones of his. His turtle's name is Lee."

"Oh, so that is a turtle?"

"What did you think it was?"

Alex shrugged. "I don't know."

Lafayette looked over at the boy. "Hey, John!"

The boy took off his headphones. "Yes?"

"Have you met Alexander?"

Alex was pretty sure he was blushing. He looked at his computer. Still loading.

"No." The boy- John?- said.

"Why don't you come over and talk to him?"

"Laf..." Alex sighed. "Not right now."

"I'm drawing." said the boy. "I can't right now. Maybe later?" He put his headphones back on.

"Later," Laf said to Alex, looking smug. "You're going to be here tomorrow?"

"Um, probably. I got a job."

"Good for you!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ACCORDING TO GRAMMARLY, I USE WAY MORE COMMA'S THAN NECCISARY. WHO KNEW?
> 
> why did i write that is all caps?


	3. TURTLES

Alex's first day on the job, and he was determined to do a good job. Sure, he was only in it for the computer, but he was going to meet all of these famous superheros and villians! He'd meet 'The Ambassador', and Washington (this superhero name had always been his favorite. He had always had ambitions to be president.), and Oceanus. 

And Oceanus. He didn't know much about him, only that he was a hero. And had turtles. Like the drawing boy, John.

The place he was told to go turned out to be an old brick buliding. It's windows were boarded up, and a part of the roof seemed to be caving in. This was not what Alex had expected. He had  _expected_ something like the Trump Tower, just with less villanous people inside. 

A paper awaited him, taped to the door.  _Hi._ It read.  _If you are looking for 'The Ambassador's'_ _autograph, please GO AWAY. He does_ not  _live here. Sheesh. -_ Washington

Below that:  _I WAS NOT KIDDING. I WILL USE MY SUPERPOWERS ON YOU. GO AWAY. -_ Washington.

Below that:  _Oh. My. God. Okay, I got his autograph. NOW GO AWAY. -_ Wasington

 

Alex frowned. That also wasn't what he was expecting, but hey, he can't judge. Inside, there was a desk, two chairs, and another paper. Alex picked it up. 

_Hi, Alex,_

_This is Angelica. I'm a reporter, but I work here part time. Washington is busy, he'll see you later._ _Right now, you need to go to the bank. Oceanus is fighing 'The Ambassador', and one of them needs your help. It's your choice who, but you need to help one of them. I'll meet you soon, as I'm reporting on the fight. Good luck, 'Hurricane'._

 

Alex took this as an... interesting sign. He assumed it meant he should go to the bank. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaaaaand, because i don't have quite enough creativeness to write a fight scene (or figure out how the fuck alex gets to the bank) it end here, no matter how excited i am to get to Oceanus and his superpowered turtles.


	4. MORE TURTLES!!!

There were quite a few banks in the city, but one of them was actually called 'The Bank'. It was run by a pompous man named Jefferson, who Alex had run into once of twice. Each time they had started arguing, to the point that Alex had been thrown out of the bank. He went somewhere else for his next loan.

Alex frowned. He had kind of expected to be given, he didn't know, training, or a  _way to get around_ before they were telling him to go places. The bank was on the other side of the city, and Alex didn't have enough money to hire a cab every time he had to go somewhere. He would have to walk. He did not want to walk, but that was the sad truth of the matter. He started down the street, internally calculating how far he was going to walk. He came up with about 5 miles. 

     He fumed. A paper blew over to a few feet away. It was an add for a new computer. He frowned at it. There wasn't any wind- he didn't know how it flew over. There was large writing that said 'SALE'. He silently wished at would come closer. He didn't care enough to deviate from his walk, but kind of wanted to see what it would say. It came closer. Alex was pretty sure there was still no wind. He thought about superpowers. The paper flew into the air and did a flip. He frowned. There wasn't any wind, but that didn't matter because no wind was going to do  _that._ He thought about the paper flying into the gutter a couple of yards away, as an experiment. It flew down and disappeared.

Alex grinned. He stopped walking. He imagined the newspapers in a nearby stand to fly into the form of a carpet. They did. A carpet of newspapers. Alex wondered if he could make one for his apartment. 

Now, for the tricky part. Alex stepped cautiously onto the makeshift rug, then willed it to float up. It did, wobbling. Alex nearly fell off. He sat down and had vivid flashbacks from being seven and watching Aladin. He decided that the flying carpet move was good for now, but he'd have to figure out a better one so his nickname didn't become 'The Disney Movie' or something. 

And then he was flying, and it was amazing. He could see a giant, glowing,  _pink_ avatar. It was sitting calmly on the bank, talking.

Alex flew toward the to bank, almost falling off, learning, and creating hand-holds.

The bank was a large, rectangular  _boring_ building. Alex preferred Laf and Herc's coffee shop, which was small and rectangular, but had  _character._ Well, not really, but it was inhabited by people he liked. And Jefferson wasn't there.

Alex arrived at the bank just as the giant purple man started talking about taxes. He wasn't actually that big- only about 3 yards tall-, Alex saw, and was just a covering for a man wearing a hot pink dress coat. The man had frizzy black hair and obviously knew  _nothing_ about taxes. The Ambassador. Alex recognized him from multiple tabloid covers questioning his sexuality. Not that Alex read the tabloids- but Laf kept them on hand for his customers that did, and Alex had to be reading  _something_.

Sitting on each side of him, one much farther away than the other, were two other men. Alex found it slightly insulting that they were all men, but he decided not to say anything.

One of the men, the one farther away, had curly hair and two turtles sitting by it. He was wearing a gray sweatshirt with a hastily stitched 'O' on it and black jeans. Oceanus. That was the superhero. He reminded Alex of the boy from Laf's shop.

The other man was probably no more than an inch away from the ambassador. He had short hair and darker skin. He was... Alex couldn't remember his name. He could barely keep the superheroes and villains straight, and he assumed this man was a sidekick. And was probably in at least  _one_ of the tabloid articles. He was wearing a suit that matched The Ambassadors, except it was black. 

Alex floated down beside Oceanus. "Hi, why are we here?"

He looked bored. "Press conference."

"Oh." Alex smiled. "Cool. I love talking."

"So does Bass here."

"Bass?"

"The Ambassador?"

"Oh." Alex frowned at him. "Yeah... I don't like him."

"Neither do I."

"Isn't he, like, gay?" Alex didn't care if the guy was gay, but he thought it might be an... okay conversation starter. It was not. Alex is a bit of an idiot. 

Oceanus visibly inched away. "So?"

Alex realized that no, that was a  _terrible_ conversation starter. "Oh, no I don't care, um..." 

" _Really._ " Oceanus was icy. 

"Really, I'm um, bi."

"Oh, okay," Oceanus smiled slightly. "Yeah, he's gay. But don't tell the press, they'll ambush him, and then suspect  _me."_

"Okay."

"I work with him," Oceanus explained. "We have an office, all in the same building. He might be an ass, but I'm not giving up his personal business. 

"Cool." Alex looked at the other two supervillains. "Aren't there other superheroes?"

"Yeah, but Gwash never comes to conferences, and a lot of them are part of the press."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you have an opinion on Philip being in the story? Plz tell me in the comments... :)
> 
> Also, I was /going/ to write a fight scene, but I chickened out. 
> 
> And this is kind of long. sorry.


	5. Press Confrence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> PHILIP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND ANGELICA!!!!!!!!! AND POSSIBLY PEGGY??? i may have forgotten what i was planning to have happen in this chapter.

Alex looked at The Ambassador (or Bass). He stood up, and made a flight of steps leading about halfway down the building so he was closer to the press.

"Hello, ladies and gentelmen, I am your new villian." He smiled at them, and started walking down the stairs. "I'm very glad to see you all." He looked around grandly. He had taken a class on public speaking, and he wasn't going to let it go to waste. "I hope to make your lives indirectly better, while still being a villian. I want to help you become better people, and understand the perils of society. Also, as far as I know, I am the first openly queer supervillian! How cool is that?"

One of the press stepped forward. He looked like he was still in middle school, and had slightly curly hair, and a wide smile. He looked farmiliar... "Sir," He said, "Are you aware that you look like my cousin?"

Oh, yeah. That was Alex' cousin. Philip. Alex should really talk to him again soon. "Oh, really?"

"Yes."

A woman behind him smiled tightly. She had dark hair and brown eyes. She was wearing a dress shirt and a pencil skirt.  _If this was a 'normal' superhero story,_ Alex thought,  _I'd probably fall in love with her._

"Pip," She said, "Saying someone looks like your cousin is unprofesional."

"So?"

"Philip."

Another woman came forward. "Eliza, if you're not going to ask him questions, let me." This woman had frizzy black hair and dark skin. She smiled at Alex. "So, how are you making those stairs?"

"I'm not completely sure," Alex said truthfuly. "I think it has something to do with superpowers."

"That would be a good guess."

Another person stepped up. She had curly hair in a ponytail and square glasses. "What do you think about the under-repersentation of LG-"

Two people flew in front of her, cutting her off. One had curly hair (Really, does  _everyone_ have curly hair?) in a messy bun on the top of his head, and the other was wearing a black beanie and looked on the verge of throwing up. "Sorry, sorry, sorry." The first one gushed. "Coffee here was on the verge of throwing up."

"Laf?" Alex looked up at him. 

Laf winked at him. "Shh."

"Anyway, we're here now." Laf went back to sit on the bank. "Who's this guy?"

The girl in glasses looked at Alex. "Well, what can you do?"

Alex thought. He stood up, walked off the edge of the stairs, and created a hurricane under him. It was actually quite easy, even if he did have to give a few repoters paper cuts. 

He, standing in the middle of the hurricane, whirled around the press, then came back to the edge of the bank. The paper rained onto the reporters. "I can do that." He said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry that this isn't very good, but I was trying to fit a bunch of characters into one chapter... :\


	6. The Hurricane

The next day, when Alex went to Laf and Herc's for coffee, Laf was sitting on the counter, reading. The turtle boy, John, was at the same table as before, playing on his phone. 

Laf waved the newspaper he was reading Alex's face. "Look at the headline."

"What?"

"Are you reading this?"

Alex stared at the headline. "'New Supervillain in Town? The Hurrican dazzles everyone at the press conference'" He looked at Laf. "Huh. Were you there?"

Laf grinned at him. "As a matter of fact, I was." He leaned closer to Alex. "I know. You weren't exactly wearing a discuise." He leaned back. "Anyway, I got to see Oceanus. He's cute, isn't he?"

John looked up. 

Laf waved a hand. "Do you want to join us? I'll pay for your coffee."

John made a demurring noise and stood up. "I don't drink coffee."

"Tea?" Laf took a paper cup from the top of a stack. 

"I'm fine, really." John walked over and perched on the edge of the counter. "There's a new supervillain? Huh."

Alex smiled slyly. "I heard that he's only in it for the salary."

John nodded. "Honestly, it's kind of like a desk job."

"You know, he's really cute. I heard he's smart too." Laf winked at Alex.

Alex blushed slightly. "Sure. I don't know. I'm not that invested in superheroes."

John stared at Alex. "He looks like you."

"What do you mean?" Alex laughed nervously. 

Laf nodded. "He does."

Alex glared at Laf. "Honestly, I don't think so."

John shook his head. "It's probably nothing. Never mind."

"Doesn't matter, darling." Laf nodded at them. "Anyway, I have to go check on Herc. Just..." He gestured to them. "I don't know. Talk. Flirt. Whatever single people do when they're faced with attractive people."

Alex rolled his eyes as Laf walked away. "There are so many things to insult in that statement. I don't know where to start."

"I heard that!" Laf shouted back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know what? I'm proud of myself. I have an idea about what to do with this fic.


	7. Awkwardness ;)

"So..." Alex stared at his coffee. "Superheros." 

John nodded. "Yeah."

"Cool." 

John looked around. 

Alex watched him. 

John whistled. One of his turtles waddled over, sniffing the floor. 

"You have turtles," Alex stated. This was not a very intelligent statement, and most people would classify it as 'obvious'.

John nodded, bending to pick up the turtle. "Lee," He said, gesturing to the turtle, "this is Alex, also known as the hurricane. Alex, this is Lee. He is a turtle."

"Hello, Lee," Alex smiled, then frowned. "'Also known as the hurricane'?"

John looked sheepish. "It was kind of obvious. The likeness isn't as obvious in this picture," he said, pointing to the newspaper, "but I was at the press conference."

"Oh." Alex relaxed slightly. "Are you part of the press?"

"No," John shook his head. "I just pay attention to that kind of stuff."

"Aren't I supposed to not tell people that I am a superhero?" 

John grinned, and pointed at Alex. "You admit it!"

Alex backed away. "I said nothing. That was all purely hypothetical."

"And anyway, if someone finds out your identity on their own, it's fine. You're just not supposed to straight out tell them"

"How do you know?"

John blushed. "I told you, I pay a lot of attention to superheroes."

Alex hopped up on the counter next to him. "So, hypothetically,"

John nodded. "Okay, so we're being hypothetical. Got it."

Alex cleared his throat. " _Anyway_ , hypothetically, if a hypothetical superhero potentially told you he was a superhero, would you ever go on a date with said superhero?" Alex knew he was just adding another thing to his already busy schedule, but...

John smirked. "Hypothetically, yes."

Alex smiled. "Well, John, I have something to tell you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ;)


	8. Desk Job

Alex arrived at the institute half an hour early. The brick building looked the same as it had before- maybe a little more intimidating in the early morning than in mid-afternoon, but roughly the same. 

He swung open the door. The desk was still there, a woman- one of the reporters from the day before, he thought- was sitting at it, drinking coffee. "Hi," she said, waving at him. "I'm Angelica. You met me yesterday?"

Alex nodded slowly. "Probably."

"Great." Angelica gestured at a door to her left. "Just through that door, down three doors, and to your left. I'll see you later."

Alex followed her directions, curious. The institute looked like a normal building. Nothing special. Three doors down to, the left. Kay.

The room was beige, with bright cubicle walls in a big square in the center. Barricades, thought Alex, even though it looked more like a fort. He walked around, looking for an opening. There wasn't one. 

Laf- The Frenchman, technically- peered over the barrier. "Mr. Hurricane, you know you can just fly over it."

Alex glared at him. "Maybe you can, but I can't."

Laf sighed. "Does little Non-stop need some help?

"Dude."

Laf floated over the wall, grinning. "Here." He held out his hand for Alex. "Grab on."

Alex grabbed his hand and Laf flung him over the wall, into a pile of bean bags.

Oceanus looked up. He was wearing a gray t-shirt that said, in big black letters, 'GAY', and sitting at a bright pink desk. Everything within the walls was bright, actually. Each of the desks was a different neon color, and the carpet was aquamarine. 

Alex looked skeptically at Laf. "Who designed this?"

Laf grinned. "Bass was drunk, Oshie was hyperactive, and I was bored."

Oceanus-'Oshie'- blushed and ducked his head. "You spiked my coffee." He accused. 

"I didn't make the coffee. Herc did."

A muffled sound came from the beanbags. "I'm sick." Herc groaned. "And I don't appreciate you throwing people on me."

A small guy sitting at another desk coughed. " _You're_ sick?" He was the sidekick from yesterday. He smiled at Alex. "Hi, I'm Mads."

The Ambassador patted Mads' head. "I'm Bass."

Alex nodded. "Hi."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, some of them go by their names, some of them don't. 
> 
> For the record:  
> TJeffs: Bass (and it's pronounced how it looks, not like the instrument), (The Ambassador)  
> John: Oshie (Oceanus)  
> Laf: Goes by Laf, superhero name is The Frenchman  
> Herc: Hercules  
> Alex: The Hurricane, goes by Alex  
> James: Goes by Mads, does not have a superhero name yet. (IF YOU HAVE IDEAS, PLZ TELL.)  
> Angelica: goes by Indie, superhero name is Independence (Also part of the press)  
> Washington: Goes by Washington, superhero name is Washington.


	9. Problem 1.

Oshie cleared him throat. "Excuse me. We have a meeting with Wash in half an hour, to talk about our bad acting."

"But we're not supposed to act. He told us to 'be ourselves'" Herc complained, hoisting himself out of the beanbag pile. 

"Yeah, while pretending to hate the other villains." Oshie rolled his eyes. "You kissing Laf probably didn't help."

"We were at our coffee shop! We were being civillians." Laf protested.

"You were in full costume."

Alex frowned. "I remember that day. You told me you were cosplaying."

Laf grinned. "And you believed me."

Oshie glared at Laf. "That's not the point. Some people didn't."

Bass rested his feet on the desk. "Well, what are we supposed to do? Pretending to hate you guys is actually kind of hard."

Oshie grimaced. "He has two new villains that we're 'sure to hate'. They'll be in the room across the hall. He also said that we needed to step up our game."

Another woman flew up to sit on the edge of the wall. "Wash is waiting for you guys. Down the hall to the right."

Bass smiled widely at her. "Indie! Where've you been? We've all missed you."

"'Liza needed help with her news artical. I stayed home to help her."

Oshie walked over to Alex. "So, Hurricane?"

"Yeah?"

Oshie hopped up onto the desk Alex was at. He stared at Alex. 

Alex shifted. "What?"

"Oh, nothing. I was going to ask if you've met Wash."

"No..."

"You'll like him. Just don't call him Wash to his face."


	10. On the Subject of God

"And they're slightly insane." Bass continued. "Just, like, don't approach them if you don't want to be insulted." At Indies glare, he raised his hands. "I know Peggy's your sister, but they're kind of insane."

Indie tossed her hair. "They just don't like you. You misgendered them, like, fifteen times in one day."

"It wasn't my fault. They looked male at the time."

"No... no, they didn't."

Alex looked over at Oshie. "Are you okay?" Oshie was staring at the wall blankly, even while walking.

He blinked. "Wha- oh, yeah, I'm fine. Just pondering god."

Bass walked over. "Talking about me?"

"You're not god."

"Sure, you say that, but have you ever seen us in the same place?" Bass winked. Mads rolled his eyes.

Laf nodded, grinning. "Yeah. You're by Indie right now, aren't you?"

Indie looked over. "Talking about me?"

Laf said "Yes" at the same moment Oshie said, "No. We are talking about God."

Indie grinned. "Isn't that me?"

Bass pouted. "No, that's me."

Mads grabbed his sleeve. "We're there."

"Where, heaven?"

"No." Mads frowned at him. "Washingtons office."

"And is that not heaven, my dear?"

"It's Washington's office." Mads restated. "Just an office. Nothing else."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I'm not going to write for a little while (anywhere from a three days to two months) because my computer is malfunctioning, and my dad brought it in to be fixed, so I have nothing to write on. 
> 
> Also, my tumblr is @the-stars-say-gay :)
> 
> KUDOS AND COMMENTS ARE APPRECIATED! <3


	11. Washington :D

"Washington!" Oshie said, resting his hand on the mans desk. "How are you? And who are these... people?" He glanced at the two men standing behind Washington.

Washington smiled. "This is Aaron and Lee. Lee and Aaron, these are the superheroes I've been telling you about."

One of the men nodded at Alex. He had brown skin and was wearing a dark gray shirt. "Hello," He said. "I'm Aaron Burr." 

The other man put a protective hand on Aaron's shoulder. "I'm Lee." He said, glaring at Alex. _he's mine_ his glare said. Alex had no interest whatsoever in this 'Aaron'. He glanced at Oshie, who was glaring at Lee with a passion. Lee noticed, startled, and glared back. "Hello, ' _Ocenaus_ '," he said.

Oshie glared more. Washington looked passively interested. Alex put his hand on Oshie's shoulder. Unlike Lee, it wasn't a protective gesture so much as an 'as-much-as-I-would-love-to-see-you-punch-this-guy-please-don't-right-now-thanks' gesture.

" _not now,_ " he hissed.

Aaron chuckled awkwardly. "Yes. Anyway, it's nice to meet all of you. I guess we'll be, um, seeing you later?"

Oshie glared at Lee one last time and turned toward Aaron. "Yes, of course. I'll look forward to that."

Aaron, seemingly oblivious to the violent undertones of that statement, nodded. He looked at Washington. "So, sir?"

Washington looked up from his book, which he had picked up at some point in their conversation. "You're all dismissed. Have a nice weekend."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Weekend means I get to write a bunch of coffee shop stuff bc they don't have work.


	12. No, We're Not Going On A Date... ;)

Laf looked back and forth between Alex and John. "So, he said casually, "What are you two doing this weekend?"

"What are you two doing?" Alex asked back. He wasn't very invested in the conversation and was simultaneously writing an essay.

"Me and Herc have overtime to work on. It's nothing." Laf waved his hand dismissively. "What about you two?" 

Alex switched to checking Twitter on his phone. "The President-Elect did something idiotic again."

Laf rolled his eyes. "What else is new?"

Herc came down the stairs, his beanie almost covering his eyes, groaning. "I'm hungover _and_ sick" He stumbled over to the counter and kissed Laf's cheek. "It's my goal to get him sick, too, with nothing but kisses." He explained at John's curious look. "What are you two doing this weekend?"

"Writing," Alex said, still not looking up. John rested his chin on his hand. He had started sitting at Alex's table, which Alex couldn't complain about, but made Laf suspicious. Alex _could_ complain about the fact that John's turtle, Lee, kept crawling on his keyboard. Alex shooed the reptile away.

"Anything together?"

John looked up from his drawing. (Alex could tell he was drawing Alex, but Alex could also tell John didn't think Alex could tell, so Alex didn't comment on it. For the record, he liked Johns drawing.) "Laf. we barely know each other."

Alex texted John. _'Sure, we barely know each other, but you promised me a date.'_ John's tablet chimed. 

Moments later he texted Alex back. _'Of course. Just throwing them off our tail'_

Laf took a sip of his hot chocolate. "Who're you two texting?"

"A friend," Alex said, looking up from his phone. "They're wondering how my writing is going."

John just stared at his turtle- the one that _didn't_ keep climbing on Alex's computer.

Herc started making himself coffee. "Are you _sure_ just writing?"

Alex nodded, careful not to glance at John. " _Sure_ "

A text from John: _'3 this afternoon?'_

_'that's perfect. see you there'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! A date, because I'm so impatient I can't wait a few more weeks. ;)


	13. ACTUALLY TURTLES!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i realized that ive named, like, three chapters 'TURTLES!!' and never actually wrote about the turtles. so, this is my attempt at turtles. i cannot promise anything.

Alex knocked on Johns door. His house was giant, and could rightly be called a mansion. Alex was more than slightly intimidated. The door was white and had  _pillars_ bordering it, and a butler answered the door.  _A butler._ Alex wondered what John was doing at Laf's coffee shop if he had this much money.

The butler frowned at Alex. "Who are you?"

"I'm Alexander, Johns-"

John swept in behind the butler, his two turtles on either shoulder and made a cutthroat gesture.  _'Business meeting'_ He mouthed.

Alex stared at him for a moment, until John gestured to the butler, who was staring at Alex, displeased. "Um, John's partner."

John smacked this head. 

Butler frowned. "What?"

"Um, business partners. We're working on a, um..." He looked at John, who was frantically pointing at his turtles. "We're working on a sanctuary for turtles?"

The butler nodded slowly. "Of course. I'll go get master John."

John left as suddenly as he had come.

Moments later the butler marched back with John following him.

John is still carrying hs turtles, but now they're poking out of the top of his messenger bag. "Oh, hi Alexander." He said. "Why don't we, um, go."

He grabbed Alex's arm and lead him back down the sidewalk. "Where's your car?"

"I don't have one. What was the deal with that? Why do you have a butler?"

John sighed. "I'll explain later. If you don't have a car, how did you get here?"

"When's later? I flew."

"Later, when we're in my car. You can drive, right?"

"Okay, and yes."


	14. SEA TURTLES!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> note: i come up with titles before i actually write the chapter. so... they may not match wonderfully.

Johns car was tiny and cherry red. He looked slightly apprehensive. "You'll have to drive- I don't have a license yet," he told Alex.

"Then why do you have this car?" Alex asked, exasperated. 

John shrugged. "I don't know. My dad buys stuff for me..." He looked kind of sad. "I'm not sure why."

Alex looked at the car. "Bright red."

"Yes." John rolled his eyes. "Come on."

Alex got into the car and turned it on. "So, where are we going."

"The aquarium." 

"The city has an aquarium?" 

John looked at him, deadpanned. Alex swore the turtles were looking at him judgmentally. "Of  _course_ the city has an aquarium."

"I don't go to aquariums."

"Why not." 

"My paper gets wet." 

"Turn left." John pointed.

"Okay." Alex jerked on the wheel. The turtles glared at him again. 

"Alex! God, do you ever drive?"

"No, I don't have a car, remember?" Alex turned his head toward John. "So. Butler?"

"Please watch the road."

"Butler," Alex repeated, turning back toward the road. 

"Have you heard of Henry Laurens?"

"Dude, of course I have. I majored in political science and read pretty much every book on the subject. You can't name a single person in politics I don't know about. What about Senator Laurens."

"He's my dad."

John's turtles looked expectantly at Alex. "O-oh." Alex paused. "That's nice."

John sighed. "See, this always happens."

"What always happens?"

John looked out the window. "Nothing."

"Okay, then. We're at the aquarium."

\--------------

"The turtles are over here," John said, grabbing Alex's hard. "Up two flights of stairs, down a hallway, and to the right."

"The aquarium has turtles?"

"Sea turtles," John explained. "Come on."

The turtles were in a big glass case about the size of Alex's living room and were swimming around peacefully until John walked over. Three of them swam over to John and bumped their heads against the glass. John touched the glass and mumbled something. The turtle nodded and waved it's fin at Alex.

Alex chuckled. "It's almost like they can understand you."

John shifted. "Um, yeah. I mean, they can't, but..."

Alex raised an eyebrow. "Of course."

One of the sea turtles gurgled. Alex suspected it was laughing. John turtles dove back into the messenger bag.

John glared at the turtles. "Okay, let's go somewhere... else."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was a lot better when i was writing it than when i was rereading it. :P


	15. Calling Cousins

"Pip! How are you!" Alex leaned against the counter. Laf looked at him curiously. 'Calling my cousin' Alex mouthed. Laf nodded.

"Uh, who is this?" Pip sounded confused.

"Your older cousin, Alex."

"Oh! Hi! You know, I saw this superhero that looked  _exactly_ like you! It was really weird."

Laf giggled. "Really."

Alex glared at him. "That's cool. So, do you want to get coffee some time? I haven't seen you in  _forever."_

"You're _right_. I'd love to get coffee. I mean, I don't drink coffee, but maybe tea? How about next week?"

"Sounds great. I know an awesome coffee shop. My friend Lafayette owns it?"

"Okay. See you then!"

Lafayette grinned at Alex. "I didn't know Philip was your cousin!"

"So you didn't." Alex took a sip of his coffee. It was not his coffee. It tasted like black licorice. "Eww..."

"Alex, that's my tea." John sighed.

" _Why_ do you drink this stuff?"

"It think it tastes good." John said defensively. 

"John, you're amazing, and I..." Alex paused "like you, but you have terrible taste in drinks."

"You... like him." Laf teased. He sighed. "I don't want to go to work tomorrow. I did overtime last weekend, right? With Herc?"

"Uh hu." John nodded.

"Well, I ran into Mr. Burr and Lee." Laf looked sour.

"Oh, those guys?" Alex cocked his head. "The one who Oshie almost punched?"

"Yeah. They're are terrible. Mr. Burr won't talk to me, except to berate my about talking to much, and Lee is horrid."

John mumbled something.

"What?"

"Oh, nothing. I know what annoying coworkers are like."

"Do your annoying coworkers have superpowers?"

"Maybe." John winked. "You don't know, do you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me: alex wont figure out john is oshie for a while.
> 
> also me: actually makes it the most obvious thing ever.
> 
> you can find me on tumblr at the-stars-say-gay.


	16. *dramatic music here*

" _What did you just say?"_ Alex thought that this was probably not the best way to start the second day of work, but he can't help it. Lee was  _wrong._

"Y'all are going to hell." Lee repeated.

"You give the southern accent a bad name." Bass grumbled, stepping up next to Alex.

"And why are we going to hell, mister Lee?" Oshie was surprisingly calm.

"Gays." Lee said. Burr looked uncomfortable. "Did you know that you'd all be prosecuted, then exiled to the pacific islands if y'all lived a few centuries ago?" He grimaced. "Too bad it's not like that anymore."

"Say that  _one more time."_ Alex threatened. 

Lee did.

Alex growled. " _That was not an invitation."_

Lee laughed.  _He laughed._ "Give me one reason why I shouldn't think what I do."

Alex stood up straight. "You can think whatever you want, I can't stop you, but I  _can_ tell you why you're wrong." He looked around. "In fact, I'll write you an essay on the subject."

"I'll help." Bass volunteered.

"You think writing is going to  _help?_ " Lee rolled his eyes. "You're more delusional than I thought. The only way to solve anything is to fight. After all, that's what super villains do, right? They fight."

Bass grabbed Alex's coat. "Stop. Don't."

"What are you talking about? He just insulted two of the most important aspects of my personality!"

"Not  _here."_

Alex straightened. He composed himself. "Okay. I'll fight you. Tomorrow. At dawn."

Lee shook his head, smiling. "It'd be silly to have a supervillain fight another supervillain."

Oshie stepped forward and put his hand on Alex's shoulder. "I'll fight you. I swear to god, I'll fight you." His hand was trembling. Alex wondered if it was from fear or anger.

Lee grinned eviley. "Okay, then. I'll see you tomorrow." He turned dramatically- Alex hadn't noticed his cape until then- and he and Burr walked out the door.

Bass laughed shakily. "Well, we can truthfully say that he's a better villain than us."

The group nodded assent, smiling, but there was a heavy layer of worry over them. Oshie didn't smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well. that's that. :P
> 
> what will happen to Oshie? (aka, what will happen to John?)


	17. SAVE JOHN!

The next day when Alex comes to the coffee shop John isn't sitting at their table. Their table. Not Alex's anymore, but John's too. 

But now John's back in the corner table with his turtles and giant headphones.

Alec tries to write- he's working on that fucking essay with Bass on google docs, but Bass keeps erasing what he's writing and fretting about Oshie, so they're not getting very far. But Alex keeps trying to write. It's not working, and not just because of Bass. Alex can't stop wondering about John. 

Laf notices- Alex assumed he would. 

"Why're you distracted, Alex?" He asks, giving Alex another coffee.

"Oh, it's nothing."

"Are you  _sure._ "

" _Yes,_ I'm sure." Alex snaps.

Laf recoils a bit. "Okay, then."

"Sorry." Alex sighs and places his head in his hands. "I'm just... worried about Oshie."

"And John?" Laf gestures to the corner.

"And John." 

Alex looks up at the screen. Bass typed,  **And poor Oshie. Lee is such a- hey, where'd u go?**

**Bass, I have to do something.**

**okay. bye. James wanted me to eat, anyway.**

Alex looked back up. "What do I  _do,_ Laf?"

"Why're you asking me?"

"You're the one who's been in a healthy relationship for the past, like, seven decades."

"I wasn't  _alive_ seven decades ago." Laf protested.

"Not the point."

"And you've been in a relationship," Laf continued. "Remember Eliza?"

"Yes, I remember Eliza. I'm not liable to forget her." Alex snapped. Alex sighed again. "I'm... sorry. Just..." He gestured helplessly. "You know. I already told you."

Laf nodded. "Of course. Do you want me to leave you alone?"

"No!" Alex yelped. "Please, no. I need help." he stared at John. "He's..."

Laf looked measuringly at Alex. "Nope."

"What?"

"Nope." He turned around. "This is your problem. I had to go through it, Herc had to, Bass and Mads both had to... your problem."

Alex sighed and picked up his phone, texting John.

_Dinner tonite?_

He didn't respond for a few seconds- Alex could see him cock his head, thinking.

_Sure. see u at 5._

Alex smiled.

 _Luv u._ He typed out.

Another pause.

_Love u 2._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what are you guyses opinions on the ship theoburramy?
> 
> I'd do Leeburr, but Lee's kind of a prat in here, and aaron deserves better. so... tell me in the comments. if i don't get feedback, ill go with theoburramy, tho.


	18. 2nd Date

"You've gotten better at driving," John said, smiling slightly.

Alex grinned. "All for you, my dear Laurens."

  


"So, what're you having?"

John hmmed. "Maybe the..." He stopped. "I don't know. What're you having?"

"The pasta." Alex pointed to the menu. "It's really good."

John nodded. "I'll have that, then."

  


"So, why weren't you sitting with me earlier?" Alex asked, wiping his fingers on the napkin.

John waved his hands vaguely. "No particular reason. It wasn't you," He added, seeing Alex's expression. "I'm just kind of stressed, there's this thing at work- someone's being an ass."

"Ah." Alex nodded. "Same. This guy Lee? He's  _terrible."_ He ground his teeth. "He insulted us, and decided Oshie needs to fight him and..." Alex sighed. "I'll kill him if he hurts Oshie."

John smiled. "Do you like Oshie?"

Alex felt like a deer caught in the headlights. "Um..."

"It's fine if you do," John assured him. 

"Yeah, kind of. He's really cute," Alex admitted.

John smiled smugly.

  


"So, this is your house," John stated.

"Yes." Alex nodded slowly.

"Bye." John waved at him.

Alex rolled his eyes. "You're supposed to walk me to the door."

"Oh!" John got out of the car and opened Alex's door. "Okay, then."

The two of them stood awkwardly at his door.  

"So?" Alex asked, raising an eyebrow. 

John blushed and pecked Alex's cheek, then darted back into his car. There was a pause, then Alex heard cursing.

Alex giggled- he had never thought himself one to giggle, but it seemed appropriate in the situation. "What's the problem?"

"I can't  _fucking drive,"_ John complained.

"Do you want me to drive you home?"

He sighed. "Yes, please."

  


John's house was as big as usual- that hadn't changed- but it felt bigger at night. 

John put a finger to his lips. "Shh."

Alex looked around. "I thought I was leaving."

John scoffed. "Of course not. I'm hungry. You're coming to have a sundae with me."

Alex nodded. "Got it."

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and you can decide what you think they did next. 
> 
> all i'll tell you is that john insisted that alex spend the night.  
> "It's the middle of the night. if you leave now, people will suspect something."


	19. Worried Bass

Bass looked stressed. Alex wouldn't have noticed, but he kept saying, "Oh, god," and, "No, Oshie, it's too dangerous."

Mads was annoyed. He kept trying to get Bass to sit down. "You're not going to convince him, babe. Please stop."

Indie was absent- she usually was, as she also had another job, and helped her sister a lot.

Alex was tired. So was Oshie. Alex rubbed his nose- it was a habit, something he did when he was tired.

Laf and Herc were also tired, but they had fallen asleep on the pile of beanbags and were lying there serenely. Alex was slightly envious.

Oshie was nervous and was biting his thumbnail and chattering at one of his turtles. The turtle looked tired and annoyed.

Alex thought about what Lee was probably doing. Gloating, or being evil. Alex didn't know.

Alex was anxious about Oshie, too, and the combination of worriedness and tiredness made him annoyed.

Oshie yawned and rested his elbow on his phone. There was a loud burst of sound- probably music- yeah, music- and Oshie fumbled with his phone, trying to turn it off. "Fu-" He yawned again. The music stopped.

Bass stopped in front of Oshie's desk. "No!" He shouted. "Why are you tired?"

Oshie blinked. "Um... I had someone over last night."

"Dude!" Bass rested his hand on Oshie's desk. "You do  _not_ hook up with someone the night before you have a super important fight. Honestly."

"We didn't..." Oshie trailed off. He glanced at Alex, who frowned at him. 

"I don't care what you did or did not do. The point is, you are tired. You should not be tired." Bass barked. "Get him coffee." He poked Laf. "Wake up."

"Wha?"

"Get Oshie coffee."

"I, uh, don't drink coffee." Oshie flushed.

"Okay, then. Caffeinated tea." Bass waved his hand. "I don't care. Just get him caffeine."

"Um... fennel tea?" Laf asked.

Oshie nodded.


	20. *even more dramatic music here*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry about the long title.

Alex, Oshie, Bass, Lee and Aaron met outside. 

"Hello." Aaron greeted them.

"Hi." Alex said shortly.

No one else said anything. 

Aaron fingered his coat. "So..." He said slowly. "I'm going to have to put up a barrier between us so we can't influence them. Is that okay?"

Alex shrugged, "It sounds important. So, yeah, it's okay."

Aaron waved his hand. An ice wall was constructed, Oshie and Lee on one side.

Oshie waved nervously from the other side. 

"Good luck!" Bass yelled.

Oshie nodded. 

Lee tapped his foot. "I'm going to make a deal with you, okay?" He sounded condensing. 

Oshie pursed his lips. "What is it." 

"Let's say this. If you win, me and Aaron leave."

 "Uh-hu."

"And if  _I_ win, you leave. Simple." Lee nodded. "So?"

Oshie shrugged. "Yeah, sure. Whatever."

 

Their fight started like something out of a comic book. John dodged Lee's multiple attacks as a golden eagle and sent his turtles after him.  They flew, and fought, and it was the most stressful time of Alex's life.

Then Lee gave up on conventional fighting.

He landed on the concrete and turned back into himself. 

Oshie hovered uncertainly in the air.

"Come down," Lee shouted.

Oshie came down a few feet so that he was level with Lee. "What?"

"I want to talk to you." Lee looked angelic. Alex wasn't fooled.

"Okay..."

"I want to talk about your dad, specifically. How's his back?"

"Probably fine. I don't care." Oshie snapped.

"Oh." Lee paused. "Why not? I'm sure he cares about you."

"He doesn't care about me. He cares about his  _heir."_ Oshie spat the word. 

Lee recoiled slightly. "Ah," He said, recovering his calm attitude. "But aren't you his heir?"

Oshie raised his eyebrow. "I'm sure I won't be, once you tell him what you're about to tell them."

Lee laughed. Alex hated his laugh. "You know me too well, Laurens."

Oshie froze.

Alex tilted his head.

Lee stared at Alex. "That's not enough for you?" He spread his hands. "His name is  _John Laurens."_

Alex nodded slowly. Oshie was John. John. Oshie. He frowned to himself. Well,  _duh._

Then he frowned at John. 'Do you like Oshie?'  _Honestly._

John looked shaken.

Lee bent down to John. "And what would your father think about you hanging out with these people? I hardly think anyone will think very highly of you."

John froze. "I... don't care what anyone thinks." He choked. 

"Mm... I have a hard time believing that." Lee purred. 

One of John's turtles peeked out from behind his shoulder, where it had hidden. It blinked at Lee, then at John, who was still frozen, staring at Lee.

The turtle then flew at Lee with a vengeance. Lee fell backward, screaming.

John blinked, then smiled. "Dude, that's all it takes to defeat you? A turtle?"

Lee sat up slowly. "Fuck you."

John looked at Aaron. "So, I think I've won?"

Aaron sighed. "Yes, I think you have." he shook Alex's hand. "It was nice knowing you."

Alex nodded. "I honestly wish I could say the same to you."

Aaron nodded back. "I'm going to go open my bakery now. Nice seeing y'all."

"Likewise." Laf shouted from the window.

Lee grumbled, following Burr.

John stood up- no one had noticed him sitting down- maybe he fell. No one knew. He walked over to Alex. "Sorry." He whispered, hugging him from behind.

Alex smiled slightly, looking up at him. "It's fine. You couldn't have told me anyway. There are rules, remember?"

John laughed. It wasn't a really laugh, it was a bark, but it was something. "You're right, love."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was one of those chapters where is was AMAZING in my head, but written down... not so much. :/
> 
> thank you to everyone who's commented. those make my day. :)
> 
> BTW, i still need opinions of Theoburramy!


	21. LAST CHAPTER!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my rule for writing is that the last chapter HAS TO BE FLUFFY. so, here. :D

Four years later:

Bass and Mads showed up at Alex's door at 8:30 on Sunday. Mads was texting someone and had a huge scarf wrapped around him. Bass was grinning, his cheeks red. "Alex!" He exclaimed. "It's  _snowing."_

"First time this year." Mads supplied.

Alex nodded. "Yes. Wonderful." He stood at the doorway, uncertain whether to invite them in or what.

John came over and wrapped his arm around Alex's waist. "Thomas! Nice to see you here."

Alex looked at Bass. "...Thomas?"

Thomas grinned at John. "Dammit, John! You've revealed my secret identity as irritating bank owner."

"Well, they already knew you were irritating," Mads said, not looking up from his phone. 

Thomas groaned. "Why am I dating you? All you do is insult me. All day, all night."

"You're dating me because you love me," Mads said.

Thomas rolled his eyes. "Ah, yes. That."

"M-hm."

John blinked. "Did you come to our house to be irritatingly coupley? Because we can do that too."

" _Our_ house?" Alex frowned at John. 

"Yes, our house."

Mads cleared his throat. "I don't care whose house it is- you need to figure that out, though. The reason we're here, which Thomas seems to have _fo_ _rgotten,_ " He glared half-heartedly at Thomas, "is that Laf and Herc have ordered us to fetch you." He looked sour. "We're not messengers, but we took pity because Laf was buying us scones."

"Where are we going?"

"Bakery called 'The Burr Stops Here'" Mads rolled his eyes. "Interesting pun, right?"

"Mm."

 

'The Burr Stops Here' was run, as Alex had suspected, by Aaron Burr, who seemed much more pleased with baking than being a villain. 

"So, do you want a cinnamon roll? Theo's just baking a new batch." He asked, grinning. "Or we have carrot cake, some scones, coffee bars, chocolates..." He ticked the baked goods off on his fingers.

Alex nodded. "I'd like the coffee bars?"

John laughed. "Do you ever eat something without 'coffee' in the name?"

"I eat a lot of things. Spaghetti, ramen, pizzia..." Alex protested.

"Remind me to work on your sense of humor." John rolled his eyes.

Alex coughed. "Excuse me? I have a great sense of humor."

John raised an eyebrow. "Really."

"Yes!"

"Okay, let's hear a joke."

"Um..." Alex thought for a second. "Got it. If con is the opposite of pro, then isn’t Congress the opposite of progress?"

Mads, still not looking up from his phone, giggled. Thomas smiled. John looked slightly confused.

Alex rolled his eyes. "Remind me to work on your sense of humor." He said, mocking John.

Laf waved them over to a table in the corner. "Guys!"

"Hmm?"

"Sit down." Laf ushered them. Herc nodded.

"What is?" John asked, sitting down between Alex and Mads.

"Indie needs our help." Laf explained. "You know her sister, Eliza?"

Alex bit his lip. "Yes. Yes, I do."

Laf waved him off. "I know  _you_ know her. I was talking to them." 

"Ah."

"But, anyway, Indie needs us to play matchmaker for her sister."

"Why?" John asked.

"There's a ball, and Eliza needs a date."

"Oh." he went quiet. "I'm terrible at that stuff," he complained.

"You'll be _fine,_ " Laf assured him. "But we need your help." 

Thomas nodded serioulsy. "Project Date, initiate."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GASP!!!  
> it's OVER.
> 
> (there is a sequel, that i'll be making very soon, though.)
> 
> also, i take one-shot requests at my tumblr, @the-stars-say-gay, so plz send me requests! thx!


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